Tag Archives: Soccer

Enthusiasm and Confidenc

I made a personal discovery last night. Last night, I decided to play soccer after work with the Meetup group that I’m a part of. When I played last week, I did well. I even scored a goal. But last night, for the first half of play, I was bad. I didn’t warm up, I was sluggish, and my heart wasn’t in it. I lacked confidence. My play improved in the second half after I gained some confidence by completing passes and moving around better with the ball.

I like to analyze myself after soccer – think about what went well and what could be improved. This issue of confidence was something that turned itself over and over again in my mind until I struck upon the solution. I did not enter the field with the same level of enthusiasm as I have on previous occasions. All day long, I was on the fence as to whether or not I wanted to go or stay home. I’m glad I went.


I hate the word “confidence.” I hate it because people have talked to me about my confidence from time to time. I’ve been told on multiple occasions that I have low confidence. I think that’s bullshit because I have very high self-esteem. Back in the ‘80s and ‘90s, it was all about self-esteem: practice, discipline, achievement. To be told that I lack confidence to achieve what I want makes me angry. I see confidence as something that people ascribe to you rather than something which you control. So to me, it becomes all about gaming the “confidence” concept, which I neither have neither the tolerance nor patience to deal with.

I’m trying to break “confidence” down to other skills, skills which you can practice. Things like boldness and talkativeness. After last night, I’m going to add enthusiasm. Enthusiasm is contagious. If you want to do it, you get excited about it, and when you’re excited for it, you get other people excited and they want to join. BOOM – Confidence.


It is 2017 and it has been a long time since I have been enthusiastic for anything. I can count on one hand the things I was excited for in 2016. I can probably say the same thing for 2015. 2013 and 2014 were exciting years. I need to build the enthusiasm and raise the energy level. I’ve been a passive observer, biding my time, for long enough. I’m not getting any younger. Time to get excited again!


I lost my temper on 2 of my own teammates today. They were both very critical of how I was playing early in the game. One guy (A) I know in particular doesn’t like playing with me. We have fundamental differences on how to play the game: he is more possession and defensive passing, I am more offensive and field position minded. We’ve butt heads before. But it was the combination of multiple guys on my own team telling me how to play and not getting me involved that made me snap.

I apologized to them afterwards. The one guy A continued his grievances, which I didn’t argue with.

In hindsight, I should acknowledge that my teammates see things I am not aware of, so I should be more accepting of criticism. They are, after all, better at the game than I am, both from a technical and an experience standpoint. Ultimately, I must understand that they are motivated to tell me these things, not because they hate me, but because they want us all to do better.

12/8/2015 Dream

Last night, my dream started off with me playing soccer on an asphalt playground at sunset. Only, it wasn’t sunset, but that winter afternoon daylight we’ve had recently where everything that isn’t by the sun is dim. The school was blocking the sun, so I took a position in the sun. I think I was back at my junior high school.

The bell rang and it was the end of the school day. My ride home was a brown truck, like a UPS truck. I took my seat and buckled my seat belt in the back. Then a young elephant got on the truck and stood on the aluminum floor. The elephant and I stared at eachother, getting a gage of eachother’s personality. The elephant’s tail started wagging, I smiled, and then the elephant smiled too. The dream ended with a new friendship.

Weekend 26, 2015

This weekend was my most eventful weekend of 2015.

Here’s what I did:
– Friday-
1) 2 hrs of soccer, including scoring a goal.
2) Having my brother Jeremy stay over and discovering a new anime show (Death Note)
– Saturday-
3) 1.5 hrs of sand volleyball in the morning
4) Going to a float party on Coon Lake with Phyllis in the afternoon
5) Celebrating my cousin Maddi’s 22nd birthday with a bonfire (but I consider it her 21st until the very end, since I missed her birthday last year)
– Sunday-
6) Going to my first Pride Parade and taking 100+ photos of the event
7) Going to Jeremy’s graduation party
8) Watching the original Total Recall with Grampa Don.

Whew! BIG weekend.